The Story

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

This morning I was getting ready for work when the phone rang just before 8am.  It was Julie’s cell phone and I could tell by her response that it was Christy or her mother on the other end and that Christy was either at the hospital or on her way.  We have been talking to Christy since April when she first emailed us. Maybe I should start from the beginning.

Back in March, we were still reeling from the events of December with the couple who deceived us.  In January, my Aunt Jane passed away.  She was suffering from Alzheimers, the same disease my father and other Aunt Anne were fighting.  On March 6th, my father finally went to be with the Lord in heaven.  It was a very hard time, but an event that brought me closer than ever to my brothers Richard and Robert.  Well, a couple of weeks later, we got an inquiry from a friend of a friend.  This friend had told our friend she knew a couple in Austin who had adopted their cousin’s baby recently and that the cousin’s twin sister was now pregnant and facing the same life struggles as her sister.  They were not sure but thought it was likely that she might be in the market for an adoptive couple that would adopt her child.  I remember thinking, this could be the one.  It would be just like God to deliver us a child through praying friends rather than the adoption facilitator we were paying.  

We decided to make a call to the friend and get connected with the couple who adopted the sisters’ baby.  The adoptive mother’s name is Stephanie.  We called Stephanie who told us that she and her mother had heard about us through the friend of our friend and had heard all that we had been through in December.  They had been praying for us, people they did not even know, when the news of Christy being pregnant surfaced.  Stephanie’s mother felt nudged to suggest maybe this baby was meant for us.  And so the connection began.  Stephanie made it known to Christy that we would be interested in talking.  But the phone never rang.

It was 2-3 weeks later when we finally heard from Christy.  She said she had heard all about our past struggles and that she wanted to be sure her decision to give the baby up for adoption was solid before she called us so as to not cause us further pain and disappointment.  I will always be thankful to Christy for her foresight and compassion towards us.  I think we were both skeptically hopeful and had probably moved on at the time we finally heard from her.  Our first conversation was very pleasant and she sounded like a genuine, sweet young lady.  It was a relief compared to the character of the previous mother we dealt with.  We immediately started praying for Christy and her baby.  

Over time we exchanged emails and phone calls, but not often.  We could tell Christy was not up for regular dialogue and it was usually difficult to reach her so we waited most of the time until she contacted us.  I remember those weeks were a little tough on both of us.  It was like we were just waiting at any moment for the deal to fall through.  We had been burned twice before so it seemed likely this would suffer the same fate.  But we continued to pray and say “what if?”.  However, we never told anyone.  The growing relationship between Christy and us was a secret to everyone on our side of the deal.  Not even our families and people closest to us.  It was so painful having to tell everyone the last time that the adoption was not going to happen, that we did not want to go through that again if possible.  It was also very hard to watch those closest to us struggle along the way daily.  You never want to see the people you love go through that ,so we decided it would be best to protect them from the daily tests of faith that Julie and I had along the way.  I am not sure if that decision was biblically sound or not, but it was what we both felt would be best to help us through till the end.   

I can remember meeting with our small Bible study group and them asking how the adoption process was going. I remember the constant check-ins from my brother Richard asking how it was going.  I remember meeting with my best friend Pete and keeping quiet about the whole deal.  At one point he questioned my authenticity in our relationship.  I should have known he was listening to the Holy Spirit because in truth I was not being authentic.  I wanted to tell all of these people so badly, but I wanted to respect the decision we had made. I wanted to be selfish and tell the people closest to me about our good news.  I wanted to share with people how excited we were, but I didn’t want to talk about the accompanying anxiety the adoption process includes.  If you have never been through it, I am not sure you will ever understand.  We might have some people upset with us for keeping it under lock and key, but we still think it was the right thing to do.

A couple of weeks ago we received a call from Christy’s mother saying she was at the hospital and had dilated to 2cm.  We both thought “here we go!”.    But there was a kink in our little plan.  Julie was packed in a car with her mom, dad, sister, and two nieces when the call came in from Christy.  She was cornered and had to talk.  You can imagine the thoughts going through their minds as they drove to the Austin Zoo and heard Julie asking questions about labor and delivery.  Needless to say, the cat was out of the bag and we had finally told someone.  We packed bags, bought airline tickets and worked the phones to try to find out the status but the hospital would not privy us to any information.  We had learned from our previous experience that leaving too early might be a mistake so we continued to make calls until the flight was to depart.  At the last hour we learned that the hospital was releasing Christy so we decided to stay home.  It was just a fire drill.  However, we were definitely more prepared than last time.  

Well, we decided to let my two brothers and their wives in on our little plan since Julie’s family now knew most of everything.  We asked for the strictest of confidence and respect that we would discuss it when we were ready but not to bombard us with inquiries.  As loving families do, they complied.   For that we have been so thankful.  Back in December we tried to entrust a small circle of friends and family but it had leaked to so many people that we started receiving texts and emails from people we did not know intimately.  In fact, afterwards in January, I had a couple of people I did not know by name ask me where our baby was. I knew they meant no harm but It was an experience neither of us wanted to relive.   

Over the last couple of weeks we had prepared for the possibility that we would not be here at the end of the month.  Everyday we woke up, we laughed and joked about the fact that at any moment we would have to drop everything and head to the airport.  It made for interesting conversations with people who were trying to plan things with us.  Needless to say we didn’t enjoy deceiving those who we loved so much.  We got smart after the last call and packed our suitcases in advance.  We tried to tie up all the loose ends as best we could.  And we continued to pray that God would be glorified in whatever happened.  I think when God really spoke most loudly to me was when I would lay before Him other things in my life that were weighing on me; career, friends, finances, church, etc., He clearly said “This is more important. Soon you will be a father.  Everything else can wait.  Continue to trust in me and everything will be fine.”  It was during this time alone that He comforted me and sustained me during the times of doubt or pressure from the world and my own selfish desires.  It was during this time I felt him encourage me to put others first and continue to serve.  

Like I was saying, we got a phone call this morning and I could tell it was time.  The last time I felt this way I was wearing a helmet standing under the goal posts at Butler field in Houston.  I had butterflies and I could tell Julie was about to start levitating at any moment.  I kept hearing my pee wee football coach saying “butterflies are good, you just gotta learn how to let them fly in order!”  I put on my game face and turned to one my new favorite heros, William Shatner, you know Captain Kirk, and his team at Priceline.  $800 and two one way tickets later we were pulling out hoping someone would be kind enough to look after our dog Jackson while we were gone, who unknowingly just moved down a rung on the depth chart.  So here we are flying to Lexington, Kentucky on a plane just larger than my first Oldsmobile.  Of course God has a sense of humor as we all know.  On our first leg of the flight to Memphis, he sticks a good friend of ours named Kevin, whose wife works at the church with Julie, next to us on the plane.  Kevin is a very smart guy so I am not sure he is buying the “headed to Kentucky to see friends.”  By now his wife Joni is probably trying to put the pieces together and undoubtedly there are rumors flying.  

We arrived at the hospital around 5:30pm EST Tuesday and the baby was about to be brought in to see us.  We were in the room with Christy and we were on the brink of something really great.  It was love at first sight.  We loved Claire the moment we saw her.  We took her to the room the hospital provided and began to feed and care for her.  Like we had been warned, our life changed on a dime.  However, the clock was now ticking.  We had to wait 48 hours for Christy to sign the release forms.  It was a long two days.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

This morning when I woke up, we both had butterflies.  It was crunch time and the deadline for Christy signing the papers was noon.  She had until then to change her mind.  Regardless of how many times she had told us her decision was solid, out fears tried to get the best of us.  I like to read Oswald Chambers daily devotional.  My buddy Pete and I are convinced Oswald somehow went ahead in time and saw our lives before we did.  I can’t imagine how someone can write something over a hundred years before and know that I would read it.  Anyway, this morning his devo was on “My peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled.”  I almost fell out of the chair.  Kind of makes you want to look over your shoulder.  Well I prayed that God would give us that peace this morning. He did.  The lawyer showed up just on time and visited with Christy.  Christy signed the papers as did we and we shared parting words and tears.  We both told her she had given us the greatest gift we could imagine and how sacrificial and unselfish she had been in wanting to provide a better life for her daughter.  We have promised to keep her posted with pictures and letters and I imagine one day down the road,  Claire and Christy will get a chance to catch up and get to know each other.  Before the lawyer could leave the room, we were texting and calling family and friends.  Some of my most memorable conversations occurred over the next hour as we checked out and drove off from the hospital.  It was all too surreal.    


Here we are, two days later, exhausted, diaper changing experts (ha, ha) sitting in a hotel in Lexington, KY just amazed at how awesome God is.  His grace transcends our understanding.One of the things we realized today as we looked back over the last year, was that during the events in December, we were being put through a huge test of faith.  All the while God was working on the other side of the country with the child that would be born 9 months later.  The child he chose for us in advance.  We couldn’t see it, like a lamp in a dark room, but we kept leaning forward feeling for it.  Just as sometimes I bump my toe in the dark looking for the light switch, this journey has held a lot of bumps and bruises for us as we struggled to see God’s light in it.  What an amazing God we worship.  A good friend of mine sent me a text today that read, “your story makes me want to love Jesus more.”  That was the ultimate assurance we were “in” His will.  We have been praying for a year and a half that regardless of what happened, He would be glorified.  If every mother turned us down, so be it.  What a way to live.  We have learned that even in this wonderful difficult, beautiful tragic life, God is always at work and that, as John Piper says, “He is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him.”  Amen.